One of the big things that can stop us from changing habits and reaching our goals is broken self-trust. When we let ourselves down over and over again, it can feel like we will never be able to change and then it is easy to give up. Re-building trust is really key here especially if you have tried and failed to just ‘love yourself more’. Learning to trust again is actually easier than you might think.
How To Restore Broken Trust
Astikya is the Sanskrit word that means to cultivate unshakable faith, both in whatever you believe in and in yourself. It is cultivated every time you practice the new desired habit, and say no to that which you don’t want to do anymore. It is tapas or discipline, and any habit can be learned just like any other skill, with attention, practice and repetition. The more you do the new behaviour, the more likely it is to become the new samskara or unconscious competence.
Astikya means to have faith in ‘vihit karmas’ or the desired actions, because each time we practice the new behaviour we build a bit more trust and deep happiness. Vihit karmas are actions that bring freedom, and take us in the direction of our true and sacred inner selves where nothing needs fixing.
Only Water What You Want To Grow
The good news is, it is a much more straightforward and uncomplicated approach than trying to build self-esteem. Just keep practicing the new habit, don’t give up when you slip up. Just keep coming back to it, the same way you just keep coming back to the yoga mat. The deep fulfillment and happiness that will result in eventually mastering your new habit will help you step way beyond the quest for self-esteem. Bit by bit, and with patience, you will find yourself walking towards moksha (liberation) and santosha (contentment) until the old habit has lost its grip.
Introducing the Astikya Jar- filled with sea glass!
This idea came from Brene Brown who suggested that a marble jar could be used to build trust in the classroom as a way for teachers to reward desired behavior. Each time students do good things, the teacher places a marble in the jar. When the jar is filled, the whole class gets a group reward.
In my case, I am filling my jar with sea glass. I put a beautiful piece of glass in the jar at the end of each day as I acknowledge the thing I am most proud of that day. This helps me to focus on what I got right rather than thinking about things to beat myself up about. The reward is that I get a beautiful reminder of all the things I’m happy about! I also get to have lots of fun beach combing for sea glass!